I was fourteen and had recently arrived home from school to find the house blissfully empty. This meant that I could have the TV all to myself and relax and eat something. Having skipped lunch as usual, I made several peanut butter sandwiches and plunked myself down in front of the television. I even remember I was watching the Merv Griffin show. For those of you who are old enough to remember his show, you know it was very, very funny. Hardly the stuff of spiritual awakening.
Out of the blue – I have no memory of what, if anything, triggered what happened next — and with a mouthful of peanut butter gluing my jaws together, I was struck with a bolt of something that opened my heart to the point of my body vibrating with an unknown energy and longing. I was so filled with this wondrous energy, tears poured down my face as I raised my arms to beg from the depths of my being, “Drrr gooor, prrzz shzz mrr sh trsssshh frrr wrrrk ….” Which, without the peanut butter, would have sounded like, “Dear God, please use me as a tool for your work in the world. I will do anything. Just use me as a tool for service.” Though I couldn’t know it then, that was the beginning.
Little did I know what I had just stepped in. Onto. What I had just stepped onto. That was some 47 years ago and it has been a journey requiring an industrial strength seat belt. Back then, I had been aware for some years already that I was different, seeing colors and spirits around people where others couldn’t and more. I had diligently practiced ignoring those weird things, and while they never went away, my odd skills no longer frightened me, though I still had no idea of what use they were. I just never spoke about them to anyone. It was my secret.
Years passed, life lessons were learned, or not, and I had come to terms with my gift. By the time I was 21 and a single mother I was a fully trained psychic, conversant with many of the ways of the physical world as well as the spirit world. I still had much to learn. Much, much to learn. Mostly in the form of painful life lessons. Growth. That “G” word.
It wasn’t until the year I turned 40 that my skills and life experience melded to manifest in the work that I have done for these 21 years since: Connecting deeply with genuine community. Working with greater truths that are directly applicable to daily life. Teaching what was given me to teach, and ultimately being guided by the wonderful spirit who speaks through me. The blind stumble along my path turned out to be a careful architecture designed by those invisible beloveds who prepared the path before me and helped me every step of the way, mostly unbeknownst to me. What at first felt like a walk in the dark became a walk in the park. My prayer of so long ago had been answered.
A life of service has shown me that giving is getting; that energy is circular when it’s moving properly. I’ve learned that when we give where our gift can be received, we also receive in the giving. I recognize that all the years of struggle and learning and striving and wondering and seeking and whistling in the dark have been for something useful. Something that is of value to certain others. Perhaps a technique or a truth or a perspective that helps other seekers connect with a piece that helps move them forward on their journey to their own fulfillment and service.
We are all connected. We are all served in order that we may serve in our turn. This is the great Truth that I have learned through the years: Service is the Purpose of Life.
Jocelyn Graef is the author of Great Awakening
Click here for another article, “Reincarnation & Karma” by Jocelyn Graef